Turning 30. . .

So tomorrow I'm turning thirty. You can tell me all sorts of encouraging things about the fact
that I am turning 30, "it was my favorite year". . . "thirty is the best because you finally learn to not care about what people think about you". . . the list goes on. I have found people very timidly, tip toe around my birthday by asking a series of questions. They are trying to assess my thoughts, they want to know if I am aware of what is happening to me.
So in response to my most recently question, "So Jen how are you taking turning thirty? Are you going to have a melt down crisis?" YES I AM! I was in thorough denial that it was a big deal until you asked me this. It was made even worse by the encouraging statements of, "look at all you have accomplished in your life". . . a realization that indeed, people are viewing my life as though if it ended today, I would have accomplished all that I ever will.  I have found that old people are not very discrete and I can read right through their gingerly asked questions to see what they are really saying: "Welcome to getting old, it sucks, your butt is only going to get bigger and slower," then they add the look of satisfaction, as though I have just joined their club. You know the look it says, "sweetie" as they look over their glassess and assess my recent, rapid decline in skin collagen resulting in a daily increase of eye wrinkles.
So now that you know it is my birthday (let me clear my throat and wipe a tear to show the serious drama involved with this event), My 30th BIRTHDAY. To make me feel better I have completed my birthday wish list so you can help ease my pain.

Jens wishes:
Age defying makeup- anything you have found to deceive everyone.
Some tan panty hose- these seem to be a popular must have for the older generation.
An incredibly powerful push-up bra.
A perm- us ladies all go to the short hairdo with the perm. I could save myself the years of bad hair cuts and just go to the standard look now. We are all headed there eventually. What do you think it is on top: An 8? Then slowly taper it down to the neck?
A pill case, with the days on each compartment, so I can start taking my supplements with a recommended list of meds you have found that help you face the day.
Earring/Necklace matching set- another popular older generation look.
A good pair of flats: no more heals for these aging feet.
A one piece swim suit: yes the time has come. I never thought this would happen to me.
A lot of Chocolate cake.
A good pair of sweats so I can just sit in bed and relax for the following week and find some new denial tactics. . .